3 reasons I don't {want to} have it all together.

It's been this looming feeling I've had for the last couple of months.  "How am I going to keep it together with 2 kids??"  I have to say, it took me a minute to pull it together after Henry was born, but we got into a groove and life runs pretty smoothly these days.  I mean, there is 1 of him and 1 of me--how bad can it get, right?  But 2?? That's double the discipline (one day), double the bodily fluids, and double the DNA!  Who knows what that could look like!

"How will I keep it all together with 2 kids?"

Yes, yes, Michelle Duggar, you make 19 (or is it 20?) look like a breeze, but to those of us who God has only allotted the normal amount of patience and softness in our voice, 2 kids CAN be a daunting thought!

And here it is: I won't keep it together. Furthermore, I realized I don't want to. For 3 reasons.

1.  No one likes that mom/woman who has it all together!!  She is the untouchable one who no one wants to be friends with because she would constantly make anyone feel like a lesser mom and human being.  Am I wrong? Maybe it's just me who doesn't want to be friends with that woman...and if I am, I apologize.  But do you know what? I have actually been that woman (or tried to be her) on several occasions.  On that day when I got my workout in, and even ate healthy, showered, had a good hair day and my child was in his cute outfit and behaving well--I was her! And I kinda liked that other woman might look at me for a moment and think, "If only I could have it all together like her!"  Why would I ever want anyone to think that of me, when the reality is my husband and I fought about something the night before, and the baseboards in my house haven't been touched, well, ever.  In other words--I SO do not have it all together.  We women want to have beautiful relationships with each other, but we distance ourselves from others by seeming superior in many different areas of life.  I would personally like to be more conscious of that in my relationships with other women.

2.  It's all just an illusion.  As I said above, the days when I look like I have it together, it's likely I really don't.  I have convinced myself I do, but If I am honest with myself, I most certainly don't.  And that's ok, isn't it?  I don't believe I am supposed to.  If I went on a quest to truly have it all together, I would most certainly drive myself insane, as every single facet of my life: my marriage, my parenting, my home, my friendships, my faith, my physical body would have to be precariously balanced at all times.
Blogging might just be the worst vehicle for keeping that illusion alive, by the way.  Because through it, you can see snapshots of my life that seem perfect and beautiful, as if all is well in my world all the time.  And frankly, I need to be reminded to show all sides of it, not just the pretty stuff.
Either way, I want to be more conscious of the fact that even if the day to day seems great, I do not now, nor will I ever, have it all together.

3.  The times when I don't have it all together bring me closer to the One who actually does.  Amen??  Why would I even want to entertain the illusion of togetherness when God promises me He does have it all together, and if I can just get to a place where I am dependent on Him, He will provide me with opportunity to love others in the midst of their chaos and lack of togetherness!  I am humbled by the fact that God actually does see the corners of my life (and house) that need attention, yet loves me just the same.  He sees my flaws as a wife and mother, yet has entrusted me with an amazing (and patient) husband, and nearly 2 children. He actually thinks I can care for these precious people and not mess it up! But here's the rub--I only have to surrender to him each day.  HA! So easy, right? Because, funny thing, I thought I did that this morning.  But by 10 AM I had already lost my patience, and cared about my own selfish desires more than others'. So maybe it's surrendering every couple hours? Every couple minutes? Constantly?  I'm pretty sure it's the latter.  And maybe one day it will become second nature to surrender.

I am well aware that this post is cliche, and that a million women have blogged/written/spoken about this very subject in similar ways.  This is just something I needed to say (to my hoards of followers:)) to affirm in my own life.  As I embark upon this journey of being a mother to children, may my goal never be to 'have it all together', but to learn to surrender to Him more completely, and in turn, be able to share with other mothers (who hopefully see that I don't have it all together) and women how God has given me freedom in resting in His grace and holiness when I lack what I think it takes to be the perfect wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend.

Hope this encourages you today. Thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer: This post written while my 1 child has been sick upwards of 8 days, is currently puking frequently; also written with possible puke in my hair and 7 months pregnant.  I am realizing how un-shocking it is that the above thoughts were on my mind:)