The Day of the Mother

How was your Mother's Day? I hope yours was messy, exhausting and full of love. Motherhood in a nutshell, amiright?

Mine started with a welcoming party at 8 AM.  I pulled into the driveway after a night shift and was met with these delicious faces:

Henry is holding a picture he made for me in school that week, Ingrid is wearing Henry's (too big) jammies, and Jer has tired eyes because he was solo Dad all night holding a starving baby who is not a fan of bottles. They are loud and disheveled, but oh so happy to see me.  I am grateful to come home to faces that missed me while I was gone.

Next we sit down to the table while I nurse the baby and the kids scarf down Dad's delicious homemade pancakes that have become a Saturday favorite. We decide that I will down some coffee and go to church with the crew, because it's Mother's Day after all.  I open a couple of really thoughtful gifts from Jer and the kids and read a card that makes me smile.  Then we hang out for a bit before tackling the battle that is appropriate church clothing and pile in the van for church.

At church I say Happy Mother's Day to my friends who have become like family to me here in KC.  We all have that same look of tired eyes, hair thrown together and clothes that might not be the trendiest, but they will do.  We don't often shop for ourselves or have much time to get ready in the morning, after all. Among these friends is a single mom, one who is pregnant after a long wait, and another going through a difficult season. We are all on our own journey in motherhood.  It's been filled with smiles, tears, and stretching beyond what we thought we were capable of.

Next we head home where I get dropped off for my much needed nap, and Jer presses on to make a grocery/Target run with all 3.  I stuff a cold chicken breast in my face before I crash because I forgot to eat breakfast and am too tired for a proper lunch. When I wake up, Jer says they ran through a downpour but everyone was on their best behavior, so it was a victory for dad.  

Dinner looks to be yet another delicious meal by Jer with lots of veggies (my request!) and some meat too (everyone else!) with blondies for dessert.  Jer also surprises me with something I've wanted forever (Craigslist special!) so that we can have some amazing summer evenings, or so Pinterest has convinced me.  I realize I have a really amazing husband wanted to make me feel special on this day.  I am so grateful for that.

The day ends with baths, bedtime stories and a quiet movie in for Jerry and I.  A good day, indeed.

**This post is nothing special, but I just wanted to document it for myself in the future when Mother's Day looks a lot different.  I imagine I will forget the details of these days with little kids, so lots of these little parts might mean nothing to you, but they mean a lot to me:). 

A literary smorgasbord, natch.

I'm sitting here watching the NCAA final and remembered I have a blog. If it were a child it would be starving, unkempt and starved for affection. Since it is not, I neglect it at will and then smother it with love and kisses sporadically. ....so get ready for a sloppy wet one, interwebz.

Happy belated Easter! He is risen, indeed! I shared a verse that struck me particularly this Easter on Instagram: In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead?"  Luke 24:5  I am just struck by the fact that I serve a risen savior who promises us abundant life.  Not the kind that leaves me feeling exhausted, unappreciated, or unsettled. The kind that fills my heart and even overflows it because of how perfect and life-giving it is.  But.  Sometimes I still walk away from it or ignore it because I believe that life can be found in children or my husband's affection or social media or losing post baby el beeeees.  Spoiler alert: life is not found there.  So why do I look for life among what is dead? The answer is embarrassing.  I am human and selfish and forgetful.  I was grateful for this reminder this weekend.
In the vein of Easter is spring.  I just have a simple thought here.  I am so grateful for what age has done to me in regard to seasons. I literally drive around seeing green and realize GOD DOES THIS EVERY YEAR! Do you people realize this? He lets things die and then brings them back to life.  I used to just be all, 'ummm, yeah, that's what spring is. BFD.'  And now I'm all, 'God is so artistic and faithful and amazing! His Earth screams of His power, and we just drive around it singing Taylor Swift nonsense and don't even appreciate the tulips and cherry blossoms and lots of other flowers I do not know the name of.' (Hey, I said I appreciate it, but I'm no horticulture genius!)

Moving on.

I gave up Diet Coke for lent.  And I actually followed through on it.  Short of the resurrection, this may be the biggest miracle of all time.  Some have referred to Diet Coke as the Nectar of the Gods, NBD.  So.....lent turned into rehab for me this year.  Days 1-10 were torturous.  There was anger, gnashing of teeth, tremors and things of this nature.  Days 11-20 were uncomfortable and my 'can do' attitude was more like 'suck it' at this point.  Days 21-40 were just your basic grind it out kind of a situation.  But friends, there was no denying that I am an addict in truest form and it ain't a good feeling.  It forced me to look at my vice with new eyes, and suffice it to say I don't plan on going back to it for the forseeable future.  Why? I sleep better at night and snack less at night because of it.  I think clearer and don't rearrange my life to find a gas station when the clock strikes lunch.  Will I go back to drinking my beloved DC? I won't rule it out.  But if you're on the fence about giving up a vice, I would of course encourage you to do it.  You'll never regret it and you'll learn a few things about yourself along the way! Another side note? Group text is the new support group! (I'm lookin at you, Jen and Tara! Couldn't have done it without ya!)

Gwendolyn is 5+ months old, y'all.  She's just now giving us a glimpse into her real personality, and I love every bit of it.  She's relaxed but excitable, determined yet sweet, and man does this girl love her siblings.  She always keeps one eye on Ingrid (right on, sister) and her eyes light up when Henry gives her his attention. She loves the whispers of her daddy and she's pretty keen on me too (boobs)! We love Gwennie P with all our hearts!!

Let's see....I'm watching this show lately.  It speaks to me on 63 levels and is genuinely a positive show.  That hardly exists any more, so I'm loving it!
I follow these girls on Instagram and it's my favorite follow lately! Who knew that joint was hiding so many gems! And these girls do the hard work for you, so you can get in and get out quickly if you know what I mean!
You know I can't leave you without my expert fashion advice, so I leave you with these gems.
Get these sandals if you want to feel romantic and vintage.
Buy these if you are practical with a side of hipster. I got them last fall and haven't looked back!
Wear this if you are super confident and could care less what people think of you (AKA my hero).

Let me know if you are aware of a one piece swimsuit that makes you look like a million bucks but costs under 50-tummy control action preferred, thankyaverymuch.

Gwendolyn Pearl: A Birth Story

I don't mince words in birth stories, so read on if you want to hear words like dilated, membranes, and meconium, mmmmmk?


At my 39 week appointment on Wednesday morning the 22nd (6 days before due date), I talked to my midwife Jeane about ways to speed the labor process along.  She checked me and I was 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced. At first she said that she felt like stripping my membranes wouldn't likely produce tangible results, i.e. a baby.  After chatting a bit, I either convinced her or she changed her mind, and she went ahead and stripped my membranes to see if we could have a baby that night!  I headed home with the kids, and grabbed Chipotle on the way home because it sounded good (why would I do this to myself?!?!).  After feeding them lunch, it was nap/quiet time and I got some time to myself.  I kept busy and in motion, trying to help this baby shimmy on down the birth canal while occupying my mind so I wouldn't overanalyze each twinge.  I should also add that I made myself a nice strong cup of red raspberry leaf tea (I swear by the stuff ever since Henry was born following a gallon of 5 bag tea!) and also a capsule of RRL given to me by a friend!  After cleaning up and thinking through birth stuff, I sat down to read a book for a bit.  I began to notice some definite contractions, but wasn't too focused on them, as I had been having them often this pregnancy.  I did notice that they had some regularity though, so I went ahead and downloaded the contraction timer on my phone to keep track.  They were about every 7 minutes and lasting 45 seconds.  I texted Jer to let him know.  He seemed to think it could be wishful thinking, as I really wanted to have the baby that night! (I'm a planner to the bitter end, I tell ya!)  I decided to get back up and keep busy in case this wasn't the real deal.  It seemed like the contractions went away when I was up and moving, so I started to think maybe Jer was right.  The kids were up shortly after this and I went for a walk with them, taking my time, but walking about 3 miles to keep encouraging little lady to vacate the building!  We got home around 5 when Jer got home from work. As we got dinner ready, I think he was noticing I seemed uncomfortable at times.  I was beginning to think this was it also, as contractions had strengthened on the walk and I was pausing even just when standing at home.  Dinner/bath/bedtime is a bit of a blur for me, as I spent most of it trying to be aware of labor while trying to be normal 'mom' to the kids, who were wondering what was up with me.  We did call Jer's mom before dinner to have her start heading South from Omaha to stay with the kids.  If this was it, we wanted to let her know before it got too late!  By the time the kids were almost down (7:30), I knew we would need to get to the hospital before his mom arrived at 10, so we called a good friend to come stay with the kids until she got there and I let Jeane know we would be heading to the hospital soon, which she agreed with. On the drive there, I waffled between thinking we were leaving too early and thinking we made the right decision.  Contractions were definitely strong, but were still anywhere between 4-5 minutes and lasting about 1 minute.  I like to get to the hospital as late as possible without being too uncomfortable on the drive over.  We were able to have some good conversation on the way there in between contractions about the fact that this would probably be our last drive to a hospital with the anxious expectation of what was to come.  I've always felt really good about Jer and I's teamwork with labor/delivery/newborn stuff, and I will always have a special feeling in my heart about each of those times with our kids.
Back to labor! We arrived at the hospital and Jeane was waiting for us there.  We headed to a triage room where she checked me and told me I was dilated to a 6! I was somewhat surprised because I didn't feel like it had been too intense yet and a 6 seemed further along than I felt!  We headed to a L&D room and got checked in while Jer let people know this was it! At this point I was still feeling pretty comfortable and Jeane and I decided I should labor in the tub for a bit to stay comfortable and relaxed.  The Royals happened to be playing a World Series game that night, and being the baseball fan that I am, we also turned the game on for entertainment! I think Jer, Jeane and my nurses were pretty pumped about that!
After laboring in the tub for 45 minutes or so, Jeane wanted to see how I was progressing.  She checked and I was dilated to a 9! Given that we had been chatting (but definitely with the occasional intense contraction!), I was caught off guard at how speedy this labor was! She mentioned that she could break my water (it's never broken on its own with any of my 3) or we could get back into the tub if I wasn't mentally ready for what breaking my water would do (duh, a baby!).  I decided I needed some more time, so we did more tub time until I started feeling the urge to push, which was only about 20 minutes.
I should mention here that, while Jer was as supportive as ever during this labor, Jeane was really amazing as well.  She gave my poor husband a break in round 3 by playing role of doula, midwife and friend.  She chatted with me, massaged my head, talked me through every stinking contraction, and reassured me every time I was stressed or concerned.  That's a great midwife if you ask me!
Once we knew it was time to push, it was back to the bed, which is no small task when you are fully dilated and ready to have a baby! Jeane broke my water and delivered what was some bummer news for me--there was meconium in the amniotic fluid.  This meant the NICU team would need to be present when Gwendolyn was born in case she aspirated any of the fluid during birth.  This information threw me off my labor game for a bit.  We've truly never had complications with any of our kids, so a small bump in the road wasn't a big deal, but took me a moment to calm back down and get my game face on.  Once we had a nice crowd going in the room (woohoo!) I needed to do some pushing, but could not for the life of me find a position I felt good in.  I have some serious mental blockage with pushing that goes all the way back to Henry, so I won't bore you with the details, but long story short Jeane really wanted me pushing sitting up or on my side and I wanted to be on my knees.  With the meconium situation, she said that wasn't a great option, so I had to give the old sitting and pushing option a try.  I was so convinced it wouldn't work that I wanted to just keep Gwen in and call it a day! Seeing as how that wasn't happening, I caved and gave a good push while sitting.  Jeane told me she was literally right there and I just needed to give a couple more good pushes!  I'm an overacheiver, so I gave the best push of my life (too good I think!) and Gwen was out at 11:17 PM!
I wanted to have her right on my chest to get a look at this sweet baby girl, but she took a big enough gulp of fluid that they had to cut her cord and suction her a bit before I could have her.  I felt a little nervous but was reassured by the nurses that all was well, she just needed a good suctioning.  Once that was taken care of, I got to stare at Gwendolyn and tell her how amazing it was to have her in my arms! She definitely looked like a Jerry/Megan product and we fell in love immediately (duh!).  After the dreaded stitching and pounding on my stomach, they left us alone with Gwen for some serious staring and eating and staring again.  Jer and I loved those moments with her and felt like she just belonged with our little family.  We also loved that she let us experience labor during the day/evening as opposed to overnight! It really is amazing to not be so sleepy after delivery!
We were transferred to postpartum shortly after and after staring some more and letting the post-birth adrenaline wear off, we alternated rest and eating for the remainder of the night.  The kids came to meet their baby sister that afternoon and did pretty well given the shock that a tiny human is to small children!  Jer's mom was so sweet to bring them to meet her and made them feel loved while we were at the hospital, or 'hotel' as 3rd time parents refer to it.
The following day we bugged out with our precious addition, and the rest is history, folks:)

Fall/Winter Fashion Report

So......I had a baby. Like a week ago. You'd think I'd blog about her and my birth story, but instead I decided to blog about fashion, because if you can't trust a postpartum mother of 3 for all of your fashion decisions, I ask you, WHO CAN YOU TRUST???
Let's just dive right in, shall we?

All things plaid. Just yes. Plaid for president! 

Seen here.

Loving this boxy yet bossy jacket. I picture myself casually wearing it out on the town with my cool leather pants and cuffed booties. The stroller and diaper bag would of course mask all cool-ness, but a girl can dream. (Bushy eyebrows optional)


The dressed-up slip on 

Found here.

This is possibly the best fashion trend ever. For people like me who love to look on-trend yet stay in their comfy slip-ons, this is a dream come true. We will milk this trend until 2016 at least.

The grandpa sweater/cardigan

See it here.

I've always loved me some cardigan, but these are making me want to just sip a chai and watch Christmas movies all day long. Pair it with slim jeans and a winter boot and you've got yourself a perfect comfy/fashionable combo, my friend.

Mixed Pattern tops

Find it here.

I like to label my style ecclectic.  This is code for 'confused, indecisive style'.  "I think I want to wear something feminine and floral today, but I can't decide if I should just wear a sweatshirt instead...." Enter this trend! Wear them both, and make it wurk, gurl.

I will be back to share more of our new arrival, Gwendolyn Pearl.  Right now we are cuddling and loving her (mom and dad) and smothering her (siblings).  Here's a peek at her!

Also, if you aren't cheering for these guys, you are dead to me.

Much love!

the sympathy for moms

I am well into my 29th year, and I am finally starting to feel like life has turned me into a woman.  It took me longer than the average girl, I think.  Don't ask me why, but I subcousciously resisted maturity.  It was my silent rebellion to conformity.  I wear flip flops when I should be wearing boots.  I stay up later than a mom with young kids should.  I don't always cook a vegetable with my meals.  Sometimes I love it when my kid says inappropriate stuff because I want him to be hilarious in this life.

All that to say, I am finally conforming to social norms like green beans, Ugg boots, and the dreaded 10 PM bedtime.  Because it's smart. Because it's good for me.  Because there is a reason the majority of the world does it, and it's not because they are a mindless robot who does what society tells them.
Imagine my surprise, though, when I learned that, with my newfound maturity, comes humility to the life which God has called me. Was that too big a jump? I should apologize for that, but instead I'll just go with it.

You see......I have a problem with the lovey dovey mom articles.  The "I see you, stay at home mom" articles.  "You're not alone in the daily grind" blog posts.  Thanks for those, all of you precious dears. Bless your little hearts.  I actually kind of mean that.....but I think we've seen enough of those for awhile.
Before you think I'm cruel, have no heart or I'm just a giant buzzkill, hear me out.  Stay at home moms do need the occasional encouraging word.  They even need to hear that what they are doing is as important or more so than the CEO who runs a corporation.  But I fear we have gone too far the other direction.  We now feel that people must know how hard it is.  If they don't know, someone should make them know.  Or that our husbands must bow down in awe of how selfless we are.  That working moms just do not get it. Or that all of social media should know how many poopy diapers I've changed today (totally guilty of doing this, by the way).

I am so glad that Jesus is with me throughout my day and really does see what I do and knows my heart.  I'm also glad he does that for my sister who pours into kids all day and comes home to whip up dinner and spend time with her daughter before putting her to bed so she can correct papers.  I'm glad he sees my husband, who wakes up every morning to do his (sometimes monotonous) job and has energy before and after that full-time job to play with kids and even do some contract work after bedtime.  I'm really glad he gives the CEO the discipline to wake up at the crack of dawn and deal with the details of a company I couldn't even begin to understand and handle thousands of employees and even more dollars.  Those other people I mentioned rarely ask for sympathy though, because society doesn't want to feel their pain like the stay at home mom, for some odd reason.  Are we noble? Maybe. But so are others.  No one walks in my shoes, but I don't walk in theirs either.  I'd like to spend more time imagining other's struggles and spend less on my own.  If you've ever spent time in other countries and at first pitied them only to realize they don't need your pity, because they might be better off than you, you know what I mean.  If I imagine others struggles, I don't necessarily pity them, I just learn that mine are not unique.  Not on this side of heaven.  In turn, I am able to have perspective on my situation and move forward instead of marinating on my loneliness or selflessness. No matter the issue, we are best to look past ourselves and look into the lives of others.

As a stay at home mom, please don't give me your pity.  Please don't act like I'm a goddess.  I might receive it and feel pretty good about myself for a minute, but you haven't challenged me at all.

i'm a glutton for punishment

Call me Morbid Megan, call me Negative Nancy, call me Debbie Downer, whatevs. I can take it.  This blog is going to be all about dying children and babies and if you don't want to read it......don't. It's the worst kind of thing that happens in this world and no one takes pleasure from reading it.  Here's my schtick though.  It happens, so why don't we want to see the good that can come from it? We want to just call it heinous and horrid and be done with it.

A sweet, adorable couple is pregnant with their first. Only they find out he won't be healthy part way through the pregnancy.  They decide to carry him to term and pray for a miracle.
adventureswithasher.com

An adorable, joy-filled, redheaded boy who is the only child of his doting parents, follows a firsbee into the street at the wrong moment and goes to meet Jesus.
https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/redballoonsforryan

A God-fearing, intentionally parenting couple with twin 5 year old boys, a sweet 2 year old girl, and another on the way, find out one of their twins has a brain tumor that is rarely seen in children and is so fast growing that it takes sweet Ben's life in mere months.
http://bensauer.blogspot.com/

I have literally been pouring over these events over the last few weeks. I feel mildly addicted to these types of things lately.  I wasn't sure why until I talked to my husband, who understandably cannot fathom why I do this to myself.

It goes something like this:
J: "I hate reading this stuff. It just worries me for what could happen to our kids."
M: "I know. It's kind of ridiculous...but I can't help it!"
J: "So stop reading it!"
M: "Somehow it gives me perspective as a Mom. And I really need that some days."

The conversation goes on, but what I realized in hashing that out is that I am so human.  I'm prone to letting my kids drive me batty. And wish for a day to myself.  And get jealous of single people. It's UN-ATT-RAC-TIVE.  I have been given this life. These kids. And shall we not forget I wanted it all?? And now I have the audacity to wish it away when I'm at my end? What I have seen in these stories is that it could certainly all be taken away.  And we all know I would want it back in a heartbeat.  The messes, the sleepless nights.  All. The. Noise.  Even the whining and pooping.

What blows my mind is that the stories above have shown me people are praising Jesus in the midst of the mess.  They are trusting in a God who has never failed them yet, and isn't even failing them now, when babies are being taken away and getting sick.

Of course I would claim to do the same thing given the 'hypothetical' scenario of any of the above.  But would I, really? I think it's an important question to ask.  Do I really have patience and love for my family, knowing it could all be over in an instant? Would I trust that God's plan really is perfect and He wasn't asleep at the wheel when my son was taken from me?  I won't tell you my answer.  Ok, I will.  First I would be devastated. Then I'd be pissed. Then I'd sob for days and tell you all the regrets I have over how much I wish I'd loved better/nagged less/taken more time.  It wouldn't be pretty folks.  My heart wants to believe I'd come back to my Savior who never fails and never falls asleep at the (very important) wheel.  What I can tell you, is that these stories that make us all a little sick, sad, guilty feeling have a lesson for us all.

First, I think it's about a Jesus who loves us with a love that's transcendent.  We literally can't fathom how He loves us.  It can change people and hearts and make us feel whole.  It also is absolutely the kind that doesn't carelessly toss aside babies for no reason.  Next, it's about a life that's meant to be lived with perspective on the eternal.  These kids aren't ours to keep.  They are ours to love, care for, and point to Him in everything we do.  I cannot tell you how easy it is to lose that perspective on the daily.  My human nature needs to be reminded that these things happen on this side of heaven.  I am grateful for these stories and these examples of women/men who live out the Jesus of it all when life gets messy.

If you made it through, thanks for reading. I hope this can give you perspective on your situation and on a God who never fails.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

m'lady hath 1 year

To say I've fallen off the blogging wagon doesn't even cover it. I believe it's been 4 months since I posted. What better way to get back on the wagon than a birthday post for my best girl?

She's 1, folks. Due to some strange version of time travel, Ingrid managed to squeeze 12 months into approximately 5 blinks of my eyes.  She is bald, beautiful and full of joy most every day. She waves at lit-rally everyone and will likely be my child who willingly walks into the arms of a stranger some day. Lord help me.

Let's start with milestones, shall we?
-she walks!
-she talks! (dad-dy, ma-ma, woof woof, hi, ba-dy (which i think is Henry)
-6 teeth!
-eating all things and loving most of them!

I love the differences I see in my children and am amazed at how God so clearly ordains who they are. I'm just here to watch it unfold, and I suppose nudge it in a socially acceptable direction now and again.  She is mostly this happy, sweet girl who loves to smile and be friendly.  Somehow she's also very determined, (if she wants to reach something, the girl will get it or die trying!) passionate (she roars when annoyed), and loyal to her mama!  If I am available to do her bidding, then she wills it to be so.  I'm not too bent out of shape on this, as she's still little.  This mama would certainly love to have her hands free at some point, but holding her is something I'm trying to cherish for the time being.

(her sassy face-I love it!)

It's been a speedy year, Ingrid Rose.  You've been the best addition to our family and I can't wait for the years to come.
 Here are some snapshots of her party! It was delayed due to illness, but we managed to scrounge up some family and friends to celebrate our lady!

(cake eater!)

 (cake by Dolce Bakery! Amazing!)

(singing to the bday girl!)

I have drafted some deep-thinking, Momtroversial thoughts but have yet to post, as I couldn't tell if I was cranky or empassioned. Will post if deemed worthy. Also, have you enjoyed the thing we call 'the outdoors'? My children are both confused and overjoyed by the ability to go outside and not sprint to the next warm facility. Love to you all!