3 reasons I don't {want to} have it all together.

It's been this looming feeling I've had for the last couple of months.  "How am I going to keep it together with 2 kids??"  I have to say, it took me a minute to pull it together after Henry was born, but we got into a groove and life runs pretty smoothly these days.  I mean, there is 1 of him and 1 of me--how bad can it get, right?  But 2?? That's double the discipline (one day), double the bodily fluids, and double the DNA!  Who knows what that could look like!

"How will I keep it all together with 2 kids?"

Yes, yes, Michelle Duggar, you make 19 (or is it 20?) look like a breeze, but to those of us who God has only allotted the normal amount of patience and softness in our voice, 2 kids CAN be a daunting thought!

And here it is: I won't keep it together. Furthermore, I realized I don't want to. For 3 reasons.

1.  No one likes that mom/woman who has it all together!!  She is the untouchable one who no one wants to be friends with because she would constantly make anyone feel like a lesser mom and human being.  Am I wrong? Maybe it's just me who doesn't want to be friends with that woman...and if I am, I apologize.  But do you know what? I have actually been that woman (or tried to be her) on several occasions.  On that day when I got my workout in, and even ate healthy, showered, had a good hair day and my child was in his cute outfit and behaving well--I was her! And I kinda liked that other woman might look at me for a moment and think, "If only I could have it all together like her!"  Why would I ever want anyone to think that of me, when the reality is my husband and I fought about something the night before, and the baseboards in my house haven't been touched, well, ever.  In other words--I SO do not have it all together.  We women want to have beautiful relationships with each other, but we distance ourselves from others by seeming superior in many different areas of life.  I would personally like to be more conscious of that in my relationships with other women.

2.  It's all just an illusion.  As I said above, the days when I look like I have it together, it's likely I really don't.  I have convinced myself I do, but If I am honest with myself, I most certainly don't.  And that's ok, isn't it?  I don't believe I am supposed to.  If I went on a quest to truly have it all together, I would most certainly drive myself insane, as every single facet of my life: my marriage, my parenting, my home, my friendships, my faith, my physical body would have to be precariously balanced at all times.
Blogging might just be the worst vehicle for keeping that illusion alive, by the way.  Because through it, you can see snapshots of my life that seem perfect and beautiful, as if all is well in my world all the time.  And frankly, I need to be reminded to show all sides of it, not just the pretty stuff.
Either way, I want to be more conscious of the fact that even if the day to day seems great, I do not now, nor will I ever, have it all together.

3.  The times when I don't have it all together bring me closer to the One who actually does.  Amen??  Why would I even want to entertain the illusion of togetherness when God promises me He does have it all together, and if I can just get to a place where I am dependent on Him, He will provide me with opportunity to love others in the midst of their chaos and lack of togetherness!  I am humbled by the fact that God actually does see the corners of my life (and house) that need attention, yet loves me just the same.  He sees my flaws as a wife and mother, yet has entrusted me with an amazing (and patient) husband, and nearly 2 children. He actually thinks I can care for these precious people and not mess it up! But here's the rub--I only have to surrender to him each day.  HA! So easy, right? Because, funny thing, I thought I did that this morning.  But by 10 AM I had already lost my patience, and cared about my own selfish desires more than others'. So maybe it's surrendering every couple hours? Every couple minutes? Constantly?  I'm pretty sure it's the latter.  And maybe one day it will become second nature to surrender.

I am well aware that this post is cliche, and that a million women have blogged/written/spoken about this very subject in similar ways.  This is just something I needed to say (to my hoards of followers:)) to affirm in my own life.  As I embark upon this journey of being a mother to children, may my goal never be to 'have it all together', but to learn to surrender to Him more completely, and in turn, be able to share with other mothers (who hopefully see that I don't have it all together) and women how God has given me freedom in resting in His grace and holiness when I lack what I think it takes to be the perfect wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend.

Hope this encourages you today. Thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer: This post written while my 1 child has been sick upwards of 8 days, is currently puking frequently; also written with possible puke in my hair and 7 months pregnant.  I am realizing how un-shocking it is that the above thoughts were on my mind:)

it's (definitely) not about the stuff.

Well, 2013 has arrived.  And as with every other odd-numbered year, it leaves me unsettled, but I might as well embrace it--it's here for another 355 days I believe.  And it can't be such a bad year, considering it will bring us a beautiful baby girl in no less than 3 months! I can't believe it!
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though.  There was Christmas, and New Years, a couple birthdays, and lots of good family, food and fellowship time since I last posted! Since that's all way too much for you people to read through, I'll give you the highlights:

-I turned 28. Woohoo. That is all.

-We did several of our Advent activities that I mentioned in my last post! Here is some photo proof! I would love to do it again next year with even more zeal!

1. Making 'cookies' together.  It ended up being peppermint bark, and it was delicious!!

2. Going through the Nativity story with Henry.  It was a precious few moments that I loved.

 3. Union station to look at the trees and choo choos. Little man was in heaven!

 4. Hot chocolate bar/Christmas movie night with friends! (We watched Home Alone)

5. Church Christmas concert. Bad pic, but adorable-ness abounds.  Can't wait until Henry gets to join!

-We had such a fun little family Christmas here.  Drove around looking at lights, fun Christmas meal at home, Jer and I stuffing Henry's stocking together....it was perfection.  Henry got a play kitchen that Jer and I labored over for many weekends and nights.  I loved that part of it enough that I want to do a DIY gift for him every Christmas henceforth!  Though I'm not sure what good ole' mom and dad could create at the age of 16 that would impress our super cool teenager (a car? a cell phone?)....but I'm hoping we can keep it running awhile!

-We headed to Arkansas to see extended family that included laughing, food, hilarious gift opening, and apparently cookies for breakfast for Henry:). A great time was had by all!

-Then to our house we went for Christmas with my family.  Henry and his cousin Kya actually had fun together this Christmas, which was great to watch.  And as always, I start sobbing when I think of how fun it is to see the ones I love love on my child like they do.  Can I get an Amen??  We also get to add a new member to our family because my little brother and his girlfriend got engaged! Here are the girlies in their matching PJ's!

-Then there was a little working, relaxing, and healthy-ish eating, and then off to Omaha we went to see Jer's family for New Years and Henry's Birthday!  I made a cake.  I am both embarrassed and proud of it.  Given the heat that Elmo's been under lately, he was lucky to grace this cake.  But, being the somewhat questionable mother I am, I encouraged my child to embrace Elmo regardless of what he's done to teenage boys in the past! Here it is!

He also received a bike from mom and dad and the giant piano from Big from Grandad and Mermer, among other things.  The kid needs no gifts until 2014.

-Grandad Smith broke his ankle before Christmas, so he was stuck in his chair most of the time, but was a great sport with all of the little ones running like crazy around the house and a good time was had by all!!  Jer's parents even graciously kept 3 little ones on NYE so the parents could GET WILD!!!! This apparently meant going for appetizers and drinks (cranberry juice and Sprite for those with child) until 10:45 so we could all come back and fall asleep on floors and couches before midnight--did you hear me say WILD???

-Let's revisit Henry's birthday, though. My child is 2.  He is a little person.  He is cute. He talks in somewhat full sentences.  He is tender-hearted.  He is inquisitive.  He knows that there will be a baby and that he is a brother.  I only have a few more months with just he and I at home during the week.  I know every mom worries about loving baby #2 as much as #1, but I don't.  I do, however, worry about not being able to give as much time and attention to Henry as I do now.  I know that I won't have the patience or ability to let him carry the toilet paper up the driveway, even when it takes 8 minutes, just because he wants to help.  I will need to get inside because the baby needs to eat or is bawling or I've just had a long day. I hate the thought that I will be spread thinner and thus not as patient of a mommy as I am able to be now.  Will that damage him? What will I miss when I'm in a hurry because of another baby? It's hard to think of it without tearing up, because I want to be the perfect mom to him and also a perfect mom to our baby girl, who will no doubt get less attention than Henry did as an infant.  But God is gracious, right? He will give me what I need and fill in the gaps in my parenting with grace and a perfect love for my child, right?? I'm counting on it. 

-I don't want to leave you with the depths of my mommy concerns, so I'll leave you with some more ideas for baby girl!  The nursery is a work in progress....but no pics yet! Did I tell you she has a name? Ummmm, no, I'm not going to tell you.  But she has a name! Woohoo!!  For now, just look at all the cuteness that abounds when another XX chromosome-r enters our world!

Ordered this baby turban from Etsy! Can't wait!!

Such fun inspiration for little sister/big brother photos!

 Simple paint job to repurpose and old fan from DIY Maven!

Baby Toms- need I say more?

It's been fun revisiting the holidays through the written word.  Makes me realize how blessed we are to have people we love in our lives that span a pretty great distance.  More than anything I am grateful for God's provision in our lives, tangible and intangible.  He is faithful even in the midst of messes--I am learning that more and more as I live this life.  Love to you all in the beginning of this New Year! 

'tis the season

Don't know about y'all, but I am totally loving the Christmas season this year!  Maybe it's because we moved to a place that actually expects snow this time of year, or maybe it's because I actually have Christmas cards to send out on time, or maybe it's that my child might finally be able to grasp some of what Christmas is actually about.  Either way, I'm loving every minute! Here are some fun photos of us drinking it in thus far!

I was also inspired by Raechel's blog post about some family advent activities to plan this December.  I didn't use all of hers, but a few of the highlights of ours will be:

1. Baking Christmas cookies together

2. Bringing dinner to a family in need

3. Checking out the Plaza lights and Union Station

4. Driving around looking at lights in pajamas with warm drinks in hand (my personal fave!)

5. Ringing the Salvation Army Bell

6. Talking through the Nativity together as a family-Henry even has his own!

7. Go to our church's Christmas program

Some are fun/silly, and others are more meaningful.  I am looking forward to each moment!

In less Christmas-y happenings, here are my thoughts on the nursery for baby girl!

Color scheme:

I pinned this photo not for it's decor, but more for my ideas on color. There will be lots!

Here are some furniture pieces that will be in the nursery:

Crib!

Dresser/Changing table! (Not this one, but similar)

Artwork ideas!

from this Etsy shop

So far it probably seems very random and maybe even weird, but trust me, it will come together!  

Thanks for checking in on the Smitty's! Love to you all this season!

October happenings.

Per usual, I am posting about a few things because I can't seem to blog more than once a month.  I guess the bright side is no one can blame me for over-posting or boring anyone!

Let's dive right in!
The first big moment in October came when we had our ultrasound for Smitty baby #2.  Let's be clear that I am incapable of wanting to be surprised, so we absolutely found out what we were having! All is well with baby, which we are abundantly grateful for.  I no longer take for granted pregnancy or a healthy baby, as I feel like I hear more and more of babies lost or babies with health problems.  These have a purpose in God's plan, no doubt, but I know heartache often goes with them.  For whatever reason, God has spared us heartache in this area up to this point, and I truly am grateful for a healthy little boy, a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby on the way.
So, here SHE is!!!:)

Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in black and white? I love her dearly and can't wait to meet her in March.  Before I let myself get carried away with the pink and flowers and bows, I want to share the verse I am praying for her these days:

1 Peter 3:18
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. 

I pray she will know Him, begin to love Him, and that any grace she carries comes from Him--not this world. I have to admit raising a girl intimidates me more than a boy for some reason.  Maybe it's all that personality God gives some girls, maybe it's the societal expectations on women, or maybe I'm just not sure if she'll like me.  Either way, I pray she will see Jesus through Jerry and I as we navigate the waters of parenting a sweet or sassy little girl, whichever she might be.  Frankly, I hope she's a little of both:).

Next in October for Henry and I was a fun vacation to see our Dallas friends who relocated to Tampa shortly after we moved to Kansas City.  We had such a great time with them!  It doesn't get more tropical and vacation-y than Tampa!  Alina and I met through Square One, our church's first-time mom's ministry.  It was a blessing to us both, and we bonded over nursing, spit up, sleeplessness and all the insecurities that come with being a new mom.  It's clearly kept us close even as the babies turn to toddlers! She's already on round 2 of babies, by the way! Isn't Luke adorable?

Gracie and Henry had their fair share of fun too!  It's safe to say they either remember each other, or they just met and loved each other again!:)  Either way, we all picked up where we left off and had a great time playing, chatting, and enjoying each other's company!

Our time was spent at the beach, the zoo, the bay shore, and of course on the couch with kiddos sleeping peacefully!:) We even snuck in a 'Mommy's Night Out' for dessert! Thanks for hosting us, Mike and Alina!! We loved our time with you all and wish Florida and Missouri were closer together!

Next, what October is complete without a little dressing up?? We kinda had fun with it this year!  Last year Henry was a classic Peter Pan, so this year I decided to go as un-classic as possible.  Like, I already expect Henry to say in a few years, 'Mom, why did you dress me up as that?'.  I can't wait--because Henry was none other than The Biebs!!!! And may I say, Bieber aint got nothin on this guy!!

We also squeezed in a little pumpkin painting with our friend Ava! They really loved it! I have so enjoyed seeing Henry be able to enjoy little tasks and crafty things!

 While I am talking about him, I have to say this age has been so great! He is exploding with words, and truly loves interacting with us.  He is our little man now, and we are enjoying every minute with him! For my purposes, and maybe yours too, his favorite things to say right now are:
-mok (milk)
-duuuuus (juice, even though he rarely gets any)
-seat (any time he sees a chair, couch, high chair, etc)
-walk? (he loves to go for walks-so we are trying to get them in now before it's too cold!)
-hod uuu (hold you, which means please hold me!)
-bus!!! (the kid loves all forms of transportation, but this is his favorite)
-kuck (truck)
-pee pee, poo poo (any time anyone goes to the bathroom or we change his diaper-awesome in public!)
-elmo? (he's obsessed! loves watching him on the ipad or TV)
-all done! (when finished eating, ready to be done with any activity)
-supp ah! (no idea what this means. have ruled out supper, super, and basically everything else that sounds like supp ah:)
 
Now comes November and the fun that is the holidays!! I am looking forward to some family Christmas pics, gatherings with friends, a re-introduction to snow, food, and important things like the Starbucks red cup:).  What are you looking forward to? I hope to be back soon with my plans for baby girl's nursery, holiday happenings, and a Christmas pic preview--I am kinda excited about them!

Pinterest foodie.

I have gone on a tear of finally making many of my pins on my 'good eats' Pinterest board.  So, for now, I can justify the hours spent browsing the thousands of recipes (and, ahem, a few other things) in search of the perfect meal.
I thought I would run through them briefly and let you know how they scored at the Smith House.  And--who better to give you an honest, consistent ranking for each item than my hubby!  He comes hungry and rarely turns my food down....but he's also pretty transparent when it's not my best go-round.  Here goes!

Stuffed Peppers.
Jerry Score=6/10.
I would have to agree with Jer. These were pretty good, but weren't overly flavorful.  This was also during our hard-core vegan phase, so I was new at cooking meat free and didn't realize that often more spice is better when using primarily legumes, rice, and veggies.  I would make them again, but probably add more seasonings, i.e. paprika, garlic, or cumin (my new fave).

Caprese Paninis.
Jerry Score=9/10.
These were really great! I loved everything about them.  Flavor, texture, and of course the ease with which they were made:).  Bonus is that they are just pretty! So much color in a simple sandwich! A couple of things I changed on this recipe: I didn't use basil pesto, and found it wasn't necessary.  I'm sure it tastes great if you add it, but I found there was plenty of flavor just from the tomatoes, basil and mozzarella (make sure it's fresh!).  I also drizzled the inside of my sandwich with balsamic vinegar instead of the outside at the very end like she says.  I'm sure that's just personal preference, but thought I'd mention it!

Blueberry Banana Bread.
Jerry Score=7/10.
I'm going to have to disagree with him here. I think I'd give this bread a 4 or 5/10.  Some of this could be cook error (I like to sub things...sometimes too often:)).  I found that it was very tart, and it also didn't seem to cook like most breads I have made, leaving the outside done and the inside still too moist.  I know that just happens with breads sometimes, but this was more than usual.  A couple of side notes on this one: I used refrigerated blueberries instead of frozen ones.  This could account for the tartness and possibly also the excess liquid, but I don't know for sure.  I also ditched the walnuts...not a fan!  Either way, I will probably look for a different way to spice up my banana bread in the future, such as choc. chips or oats!

Pad Thai.
Jerry Score=7/10.
I would give this dish an 8 or 9 myself--but either way I think it was a score! It is definitely different than restaurant pad thai, but if you tell yourself that before eating it I really think you'll like it! It's light, delicious and fairly easy to make!  I only had to buy a couple things I didn't already have in my cabinets, which is great for Asian food I think!  I would recommend getting the Sriracha sauce if you don't have it--I think it adds a lot of zest to the dish as a whole.  Also, the blogger seems really cool. She is 'pinner friendly' and has even updated the recipe with people's thoughts after making it. I looked at those updates and cooked mine accordingly.  Bonus: we even had enough leftovers for me to have it for lunch the next day!!I will definitely make this again!

(photo credit: bigsislilsis.com)

Seashell Pasta with basil and tomatoes.
Jerry Score=8/10.
Loved this!  I made it on a whim, and loved what I got as a result! I think it's honestly supposed to be a side dish, but I love the light, meat free-ness of it!  Only shocker is how much Extra Virgin Olive Oil I used.  It was actually painful to pour a 1/2 cup in there...but it's a key component to the juiciness of the tomato flavor throughout the pasta, so I'm good with it now!  Honestly, I love all pastas that use a combination of basil, garlic and cherry tomatoes.  They are my food obsession trifecta!  Whether you try this as a side or entree, I know you'll love it!

(photo credit: Feastie.com)

Pumpkin Spice Mini Muffins.
Jerry Score=8/10.
These were yummy.  That's about all there is to say.  We actually had them for a fun breakfast when my parents came to visit.  They were bite-sized fall deliciousness.  They were fairly simple and slightly healthier than your average muffin I think!  For me the only downer was they weren't as pretty as advertised...mine were beautiful and pumpkin-y on the bottom and instead of beautifully cinnamon-sugary on top they looked brown and poopy...but the flavor was delish!:)

Spaghetti Squash with Raw tomato sauce.
Jerry score: 4/10.
This is about right...this was a bummer.  One simple fix was that my spaghetti squash wasn't cooked quite enough.  I followed a Whole Foods quick guide for cooking spaghetti squash because the recipe doesn't provide that portion and it said 375 degrees for 35 min.  This clearly wasn't enough and as I researched, I saw most call for 45-1 hr.  Unfortunately the sauce wasn't delicious either....it wasn't terrible, just not my fave.  A little too 'plant' tasting for some reason.  I followed the recipe to a T, so maybe I'll just use a different sauce recipe and will feel much better about it next time!  I love spaghetti squash and it's healthful benefits as a spaghetti substitute, so I'm not giving up yet!


Has anyone been whipping up any Pinterest-inspired meals lately? Do tell! I'd love to hear about them!  My next endeavour will be this soup-can't wait!!Hope you are all enjoying the changing of seasons!  We are loving all that is Fall around here!

apple pickin'

We didn't wait long to embrace Fall around here! Today we met my sister in law Millie and her two boys Abram and Elgin at an apple orchard called Arbor Day Farm in Nebraska City. It was such a fun day. We were up and out early and got there around 10 to do some trail walkin', snack eatin', apple pickin', and fun havin'.

For those of you who are moms, you will be impressed to know we even snuck in a real conversation or 2 while the boys ran around!

Did you catch the baby bump action above? Henry will be meeting another cousin in February!! We can't wait!

After grabbing lunch, we said our goodbyes and headed home with evidence of a day well-spent.

Thanks for such a fun day, Millie and boys! Can't wait to do it again soon!