....of legacy and such.

I recently finished up a Bible study with the women of our church on idols.  I think we all found it to be a pretty significant study in our lives and felt that it forced us to look some things in the face that had crept into our day-to-day without us even really taking notice.  I'll be frank--mine was control.  I would love to have total and complete control over my life, and my children suffer the brunt of that struggle.

Henry: 'Hey mom, I'm gonna pee my pants because I'm a toddler and that's what I do.'
Me: 'I'm gonna lose it over something insignificant like urine because I didn't plan on having you pee all over the groceries in your strike zone.'

Ingrid: 'Yo, Ma. I see that pile of laundry you're going to fold while watching your favorite show, but I'm in the mood to cry because I'm an infant and I'd like you to just hold me.'
Me: 'You are sweet and adorable and smell delicious, but you were supposed to sleep for the next 30 minutes while I got stuff done, so now I'm going to be frustrated at you instead of gladly hold my adorable, healthy newborn baby girl.'

Typing it is even more embarrassing than the actual scenario.

I say all of the above to tell you that, towards the end of our study, we had a conversation about what it looks like to walk away from these idols, and more importantly, what would we run to? Would we just fill the holes that the idols left with yet another? No doubt that would be easier.  We talked about some of our passions that fell to the wayside once kids came in to the picture.  Because, as we Christians love to say, "Your children are your ministry now."  With all due respect, I disagree.  Yes, I desire to point my children to Jesus.  Yes, I will spend the majority of my time with them and my days will focus on their well being.  But I disagree that things I am passionate about and being a mom have to be mutually exclusive. Why not take my kids into some uncomfortable situations that don't fit neatly into nap time or maximize their enjoyment?

I believe God has gifted me with a heart that wants to serve others.  As I walk away from my idol of control (and many others), I want to embrace a little chaos for the sake of Jesus.  Can I get an Amen? Us moms also talked a bit about how walking away from idols and walking into meaningful things was the beginning of some legacy building for our children.  I would love for Henry and Ingrid (and, if the good Lord wills, other Smitty babies to follow!) to say, "My mom's house was a little messy, and her meals were edible, but DAMN did she love Jesus and serve others in His name!" (damn is optional, only used for emphasis).  I would consider that a life well-lived.  To be honest, right now my legacy would be something like, "She picked up after me a lot and made sure she socialized with other Moms in something she called 'Play Group'."  Am I the only one feeling this??

In the coming weeks I am giving myself the challenge to embrace some Jesus as I walk away from my idols.  I have some specific areas of service I am passionate about that I hope God can use me in. He is certainly worthy of my time and focus.